No stitches, just platelets and will power
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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