We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
