easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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