She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
