Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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