I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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