you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
