He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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