I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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