Quick, to the slutcave!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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