I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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