I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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