He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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