After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
