Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
