***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
there is puke in my bra ... again
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