He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
