so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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