I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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