I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
