Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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