I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
