i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
