Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
