Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize