my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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