Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
