i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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