you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
