the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You left your underwear on the fireplace
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
