Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Duck Duck Cougar?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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