Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
