My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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