none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
