thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
