I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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