Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
