she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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