if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
