I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
