dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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