just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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