When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize