i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I am available for nakedness
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize