I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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