Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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