smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she peed on how many people?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
