I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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