my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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