The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
