im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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