So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
