i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize