I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
