Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
