dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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