I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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