Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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