I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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