Porn is love you can see.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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