so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Holy sore nipples Batman
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
