My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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