How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The air was thick with penises
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
