I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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