actually, I'm a sock model
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
