how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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