Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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