I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
