grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
