My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
