So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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