i think my tv is drunk
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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