My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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