She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
