So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
