i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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